I've been listening to this podcast lately. It's about Motherhood, living an abundant life, and not wishing time away so you can get through the day. It is resonating with me so much because I am in this place right now where I am just going through the motions--living until bedtime so I can have a few moments to myself to read or veg on some t.v. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. In every way.
So many things in my life have changed recently. We sold our house over the summer and are living in a 3 bedroom apartment while we try to start building our dream home. We moved our kids to a small private Christian school this year from a big public school. I have a part-time job as of March where I am in charge of the nursery program at my church. Not quite so recent but big nonetheless, about 2 1/2 years ago I became a mother of four! Not in my plan really, but at this time I find myself raising 4 kids (along with my husband) whose ages range from 14 to 2. I am in the treacherous teen years with my daughter while beginning to navigate the terrible twos with my youngest son. Throw in a couple more energy-abounding boys and there you have me.
Like I said. I'm exhausted--mentally, emotionally, physically, and if I am being honest with myself, spiritually. This podcast I've been listening to has been really speaking to me though. It talks about de-cluttering your life so that you have room to enjoy life. It's about lots of other things too like being intentional and grateful.
It's got me thinking about my life--a lot. What's my purpose? Purpose was my word this year. How interesting that I stumble on this podcast called "The Purpose Show" (a friend randomly pointed it out to me). That was a good one, God. Whoa. I just know something is missing right now. Maybe I need more gratitude in my life? I've heard it said so many times that being grateful brings joy. Joy is definitely something I lack much of the time because life is just hard. And I complain about that too much. But joy is also something I have desperately wanted for many years.
Today as I was cleaning my house, so that I can feel like my life is less cluttered and listening to the podcast, the idea of "little moments" hit me. I have lots of little moments in my life. They are moments that are special or unique or meaningful or thought-provoking or hard or good or life-changing etc. They are moments that speak to me and make me who I am. For instance, this morning as I was taking the kids to school, I heard a song on the radio that just hit me hard. "Nobody Loves Me Like You" by Chris Tomlin. The lyrics are so beautiful.
Morning, I see You in the sunrise every morning
It's like a picture that You've painted for me
A love letter in the sky
[Verse 2]
Story, I could've had a really different story
But You came down from Heaven to restore me
Forever saved my life
[Chorus]
Nobody loves me like You love me, Jesus
I stand in awe of Your amazing ways
I worship You as long as I am breathing
God, You are faithful and true
Nobody loves me like You
[Verse 3]
Mountains, You're breaking down the weight of all my mountains
Even when it feels like I'm surrounded
You never leave my side, oh-ooh-oh-ooooh
[Chorus]
Nobody loves me like You love me, Jesus
I stand in awe of Your amazing ways
I worship You as long as I am breathing
God, You are faithful and true
Nobody loves me like You
I found myself crying because of the emotion those words evoke. How awesome that nobody loves me like Jesus. How blessed I am. We are. Wow. In that moment I found myself singing those words and pouring my heart out to Him. It was a little moment that grabbed me and made me respond. Hannah, my daughter, was sitting next to me in the car. Too many mornings these days, we say ugly words to each other--words I deeply regret later when I think about it. But as I was sitting there singing and crying, I realized that God could use this moment to give Hannah a glimpse into my heart. Hannah needs to see those little moments of me getting lost in my love for my God. All my kids do.
So, it is moments like this one that I think I will start documenting here. I've had a family blog for about 10 years where I have on occasion poured my heart out. But I have allowed my perfectionism to get me so far behind on that blog that I feel like I can't even use it anymore. I guess I have known I needed to start over for a while, but today, I felt that nudge to just sit down and do it.
I hope by sharing my little moments, my kids and anyone else who chooses to read this, will understand that it is in the little moments that we make a life--a big life.
